


From Darkness To Light

by soapficgal



Category: Days of Our Lives
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-15
Updated: 2016-01-15
Packaged: 2018-05-14 02:02:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5725594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soapficgal/pseuds/soapficgal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brandon ponders his life and his feelings for Sami.</p>
            </blockquote>





	From Darkness To Light

It would be so easy to pretend that returning to Salem again would be simple this time. It wouldn‘t be a challenge for most people to act as though this unplanned visit would be business as usual, but Brandon Walker was never good at pretending--especially when it came to matters as serious as the one he’d been facing during the entire flight back to the one place he’d sworn he’d never set foot in ever again. He’d left Salem behind, left everything he’d known and loved and he’d vowed to never return again. He’d turned his world upside down with no other purpose than to ensure her happiness, but now there would be no avoiding the life he’d pushed behind him any longer. Not after he’d spoken with Nicole. He simply couldn’t stay away any longer.  
  
Standing at the thick, rod iron gates Brandon found himself paralyzed by fear and regrets. He’d sworn that he wouldn’t sink back into what might have been, wouldn’t focus on the life he’d thrown away when he’d been tossed into an uncomfortable situation with Samantha. Yes, he’d loved her and it killed him to leave town, but he had to give her a chance at happiness. He had to provide her with that opportunity to have the family and the life that she’d always dreamt about. Kate had manipulated them the last time he was in town by drugging both him and Samantha. Although he’d wanted to stay in town to prove to Lucas and everyone else that Samantha and he were set up, his father and Lexie had convinced him leaving would be best.  
  
“There’s nothing good that can come from your being around Samantha Brady,” he could hear Lexie’s voice warning him. “She’s moved on with Lucas and you two never would have worked out. The odds were stacked against you from day one.”  
  
The odds, Brandon now thought to himself with an ironic laugh. He supposed if he had been a gambling man those words would’ve held greater meaning at the time, but when Brandon had left it had been for Samantha. He’d wanted her to find love and happiness in her life. He wished that for no other reason she and Lucas would be able to work things out for Will, for the son that she’d struggled to keep safe all of these years. After their time in Italy Brandon had seen first hand just how important Samantha’s son had been to her and he hated the thought of tearing apart that family that Will had longed for. It was the right thing to do. Brandon had made his choice and he’d lived with it. He’d moved forward and put Salem behind…until now.  
  
Pushing open the gate, Brandon heard the sounds of it creaking with the wind. His heart was heavy and he knew if he wasn’t careful someone might call the police and alert them to a suspected prowler sneaking into the cemetery after dark. That didn’t matter anymore however, Brandon realized knowing in his heart that he’d dragged his feet about this trip long enough. With a heaviness in his chest he pushed forward straining to come up with a good reason why he’d waited so long. He wanted to say that it was all because of his decision to steer clear of Salem, but he knew better. He’d been afraid. He’d been tormented by what seeing Samantha’s face would do to him all over again and it had kept him from other important things as a result.  
  
“I don’t see why you haven’t come here sooner,” he could hear Nicole’s voice chastising him over the phone. “Taylor made her way out here to be there for the memorial service. Hell, even I was there and you know how I felt about things with her Brandon. She and I despised one another, yet she thought the world of you. I know she always loved you the most. You should be here.”  
  
Brandon couldn’t argue. He hadn’t wanted to, he remembered with a heavy heart. It was just that he hadn’t found the right words to tell them all how wrong he’d been. He’d left Salem to keep himself safe from listening to his heart--from doing anything that would destroy Samantha’s life and in turn he’d lost the only other woman in this world that he’d ever truly loved. It was a cross he would have to bear for the rest of his days even if he had good intentions in avoiding the town he’d grown up in. Now as he stood in front of the freshly set grave guilt weighed upon him.  
  
“I’m so sorry I wasn’t here sooner,” Brandon apologized wondering if his mother could hear him from beyond this world that had treated her less than kind. He looked to the colorful bouquet of flowers in his hand and realized they weren’t nearly as extravagant as they should’ve been for a woman who had endured so many tragic twists of fate. His mother had deserved far more than a life with a husband who had abused her for years on end. She had needed more than the life that Paul Walker had provided her with in torturing her endlessly. Brandon had hoped she would have found that release when Paul had died years ago. Unfortunately Paul’s death was only the beginning for her. She’d fought to be strong, to ignore the love that she’d had for a man who had single-handedly destroyed their family, yet Brandon knew it was a never ending cycle. His mother had never felt good enough, never had been able to banish the guilt that had resulted from the affair his mother had with Abe Carver in a moment of weakness. Faye Walker had been a strong, very proud woman, but she’d needed to feel safe, protected and loved. Abe had offered that to her in those brief moments they’d shared that resulted in Brandon’s arrival in the world.  
  
Brandon closed his eyes thinking about all the time he’d wasted in hating Abe--in wanting to destroy the man, whom Brandon believed had ruined his life. It was a never ending quest that had guided Brandon’s first return to Salem through blind rage and anger until Samantha changed that for him. He hadn’t been looking for love, hadn’t been wanting to do anything other than make Abe pay for all the years that Faye had been at Paul’s mercy, for all those times that Brandon had taken on the man who had despised Brandon’s very existence. It all seemed foolish now as Brandon knelt beside his mother’s grave wishing he could turn back the hands of time and erase that part of the past.  
  
“I wanted to be here. I know I should’ve taken an earlier flight. I should have…” Brandon stopped himself as his fingers pressed upon the freshly laid earth. His mind was swirling with all the things that he’d hoped to say, all the promises he’d vowed to keep, yet as he knelt beside his mother’s final resting place, he found himself at a loss. The gnawing guilt that he’d pushed deep inside of him for the flight into town and during the ride in the taxi over when he’d forced himself to make irrelevant small talk with the driver was now flooding to the surface as he thought about the last time he’d spoken with his mother.  
  
“You should visit more often Brandon,” he could hear his mother’s voice from their last phone conversation.  
  
“I would, but I’ve been swamped with work,” he had lied, hoping to alleviate her concerns about the son she very seldom saw after his departure nearly three years ago.  
  
“Brandon, I realize that you promised to yourself that you would stop thinking about her, but that’s no reason to stay away,” his mother had tried to cajole him into giving up the fight he worked so very hard to win the battle over each and every moment of the days that went on. “She’s not with Lucas anymore. She hasn’t been for a while and Will is gone.”  
  
“How can Will be gone? Samantha loves him more than anything,” Brandon could remember the question that had haunted him from the moment he’d learned of Will’s departure. Will was Samantha’s world and Brandon was convinced that without him she had to be in her own, personal hell. She had to be suffering more than anything without her son around and it was that thought that had almost brought Brandon and his concerns back to Salem until his mother had delivered the final blow to Brandon’s world.  
  
“She’s married to a Dimera now,” Faye had informed him with worry evident in her tone. “She has two babies and…”  
  
“A Dimera?” Brandon had questioned, “but how?”  
  
Brandon could recall the brief update his mother had given him about Samantha’s changes in her life leading to this moment in time, but as Brandon focused on his mother’s grave marker, he knew that wasn’t important. He shouldn’t be spending his time dwelling on the woman he loved and lost when the woman who had given him life was never coming back. Hanging his head down shamefully, Brandon couldn’t help but feel the tears threatening to overtake his dark eyes.  
  
“I’m so sorry I failed you,” Brandon confessed in a broken whisper, his words hoarse and racked with emotion as he set the flowers on the ground. “I promised you that I would protect you--that I would keep you safe, but then I left. You needed me and I wasn’t able to save you. All those years when I took on Paul I wasn’t strong enough to help you, but when I was finally able to keep you protected I ran away from town like a coward. I left everything behind because I was trying to be noble, but I was a fool mom.”  
  
Brandon’s heart ached as he thought of all the time he’d missed out on with his mother in avoiding the life he’d once known. He touched the grave marker as the reality of what he’d lost weighed upon him in the middle of the empty graveyard.  
  
“I left her so that she would find happiness, yet she only endured misery and I stayed away from you because I was trying to do the right thing. I wanted more than anything to do right by all of you, yet now I’ve lost you both. I have nothing left with you gone now. Nikki has her life and Taylor is fine, but I screwed everything up. I should’ve been here,” Brandon broke down, unable to contain the emotion that carried over him. He closed his eyes thinking about the last time he’d seen his mother, about the last embrace he’d given her and the final ‘I love you’ that he’d offered up at the end of their phone conversation. It all seemed meaningless now that she wasn’t a part of this world any longer. It all seemed to serve as a reminder of all the ways in which he’d failed them all.  
  
“That’s not true,” he heard a voice whisper among the darkness as he felt fingers curl around his shoulder. He stiffened, wondering if his imagination had gotten the best of him in that moment. His eyes were focused on the grave marker in front of him, but there was no mistaking her perfume. There was no forgetting the soothing sound of her voice that he’d dreamt about since the last time she’d begged him to leave town. He had to be imagining it. She couldn’t have been there in his deepest moment of regret.  
  
“Your mother would hate to hear you saying such things,” her voice appealed to him once again, the same fingers tapering off into the ends of his hair as his eyes remained on the grave marker.  
  
“You shouldn’t be here Samantha,” Brandon closed his eyes wondering if he was losing his mind entirely now that his focus had once again returned to the woman he’d loved and lost during his final return to Salem.  
  
“You’re hurting and there isn’t any other place in the world where I would want to be, then with you Brandon,” she whispered as Brandon felt a warmth surround him. He could’ve sworn that the winds were simply dying down offering up the first comfort from the chill that had carried over him since he’d learned of his mother’s passing. He felt a lump forming in his throat, all his regrets carrying over him, threatening to overtake him, but before he could drown in the misery he deserved, her arms surrounded him in an embrace he never anticipated feeling again.  
  
“Please Samantha,” Brandon fought to keep his voice cool and even although his heart longed to savor the embrace--to forget about all the tragedy that surrounded his return and focus on the woman he’d always loved and always would, but his mother’s death still hung upon him.  
  
“She wouldn’t want you to be torturing yourself over things you couldn’t change Brandon. She wanted you to be happy. More than anything that’s what she dreamt about for you,” she whispered keeping her arms wrapped around his shoulders. “She told me time and time again that she wished she could’ve helped you find that in your life.”  
  
“How do you know?” Brandon questioned refusing to turn around and face the woman he’d fought to escape from. He’d wanted to pretend that he could live life without her, but he’d only been fooling himself. Being in a world without her in it was more misery than he could endure, yet if his eyes cast over her once again, he knew it would do him in entirely.  
  
“Because she told me that Brandon,” Sami whispered squeezing her arms around him tighter than before. “She made me promise that I wouldn’t let you torture yourself over the situation when it was something that neither one of you could’ve changed.”  
  
“She should’ve said that she was sick. She should’ve let me know that she was dying--that the cancer was…” Brandon dropped his head down shamefully feeling his guilty conscience eat away at him.  
  
“She didn’t want you to see that. She fought that battle on her own and even if that isn’t what any of us wanted, it was what she felt she had to do Brandon. It was her fight,” she replied hating to think of what Brandon must be feeling in that moment in time.  
  
“But she should’ve let me in on it,” Brandon pushed himself off of the ground. Despite the fears he’d carried with him, he forced himself to face the woman he’d avoided for nearly three years. He thought he would be able to let his pain over his mother’s death keep his heart hidden from Samantha, but with one look at her beautiful face, he knew that it was a lost cause. She stood before him with worried blue eyes and the same soft, pale, pink lips that he’d lost himself in kissing for hours on end. Her blonde hair framed her face and everything about her was just as beautiful as he remembered. She was every bit as breathtaking as she had been when they’d parted ways outside of her apartment all that time ago.  
  
“Brandon, your mother was a very proud, very stubborn woman. You of all people should know that,” she approached him, a flicker of something beyond sympathy behind her blue eyes. “Even at her last moments all she wanted was to spare you the pain of what it was doing to her.”  
  
“And what did that accomplish? I wasn’t here to be with my mother when she needed me the most and…” he hung his head down once again, “Samantha, please just go. I don’t know why you’re here, but right now I need to focus on my mother--on what I should’ve done to…”  
  
“You did everything that you could to make her happy Brandon. She told me all about how you were her hero growing up. About all of the times when she felt like giving up, yet you were there to remind her why this world was worth fighting for. You were proof that she did something right in this world. You gave her a reason and a purpose to keep pushing forward,” Sami started thinking about the last few encounters she’d had with Faye Walker before her untimely demise.  
  
“And when she needed me I was hiding away from my home, hoping like hell to spare you the misery that I was certain you’d endure if I was around,” he blurted out, his words laced with anger and frustration as he threw his hands up in the air. “I stayed away from Salem so that you could have peace in your life. I gave up my happiness so you could hold onto yours and what did it get for us Samantha?”  
  
“Brandon…” she spoke his name, feeling herself surprised by his tone. There was a flicker of rage, of remorse and sadness behind his dark eyes that mirrored her own.  
  
“You and Lucas aren’t even together anymore. Will is gone and my mother is dead,” Brandon stated the obvious as the winds picked up around them. “What in the world made us think that my being away for so long would turn everything around?”  
  
“I was a fool to believe that your leaving was right for everyone Brandon,” she bit down on her lower lip as tears threatened to reveal themselves to him underneath the moonlight. “There were so many times when I needed you--when I wanted you here because you’re the only person who has ever truly understood me. You saw me for who I was and you didn’t turn away until I forced your hand. Even after I hurt you, you forgave me and still loved me.”  
  
“And what good did it do any of us?” Brandon questioned as his thoughts lingered to his mother.  
  
“It was everything to me and your mother knew that,” Sami confessed feeling a tear slip past her cheek. She took in a small breath and spoke up in a small voice, “One of the first times I met her, she talked to me about you and I. She told me how happy she was that you’d found someone that made you happy--that you were finally able to open your heart to someone special. At the time I didn’t see it, but I was the lucky one. I was the one that should’ve been thanking the heavens above that someone like you actually cared about a mess like me. You sacrificed yourself time and time again to make me happy, yet I always took and took from you. I never gave back what you offered to me.”  
  
“Samantha please,” Brandon kept his eyes focused on the grave marker before him.  
  
“No Brandon. If nothing else, I need to say this. Your mother reminded me of what was important in this world. For a long time I lost sight of that,” she continued to explain to him knowing that her reasoning for waiting for him wasn’t purely altruistic. “I can’t even begin to tell you how many ridiculous things I did this past year I did in the name of sacrificing myself for my family--for making things right for everyone else, but all I did was lost everything and anything that mattered to me. Will hates me now and Lucas is gone. He’s in jail and…”  
  
“Samantha…” he sighed forcing himself to face her again fully, this time seeing his own emotions reflected in her beautiful face. Given what little he’d known about her life since his departure, he knew that she’d been through an ordeal herself. He was aware of the circumstances that had surrounded her life, even if he hadn’t requested a great many details about them from his mother.  
  
“When I was at the hospital visiting my mother, they brought your mom in. I was with her for a while Brandon and she told me that the one regret she had her whole life was that she didn’t follow her heart to the one man she loved. She admitted that if she could change one thing it would’ve been trying to find her way back to Abe after they parted ways,” she recalled, her voice thick with emotion as she wiped at her face. “She told me all about how Abe walked away from her when she begged him to give her a chance to make her family work. She made him promise that he would give her the opportunity to work things out with Paul--that she could do the right thing that she felt would be best for her children, but in the end all she did was hurt them.”  
  
“My mother didn’t hurt us,” Brandon corrected thinking about the lengths his mother had gone to protect them over the years. “She gave her everything to…”  
  
“To trying to save you from Paul, but she knew the horrible things that he did to you and Nicole,” Sami explained remembering Brandon’s mother’s confession about what life was like in the Walker home growing up. While Brandon hadn’t spoken about it during their time together, Faye had painted a portrait of a man who had taken out his frustrations and aggressions on a young Brandon and allowed his greed to push Nicole into a world of drugs and adult films long before her time. Paul Walker was a nightmare and hell for anyone to endure, let alone a child, but Faye had tried to pretend that she could rise above what her husband had done. “I know how he hurt you…”  
  
“He’s dead Samantha. He can’t hurt us anymore and with my mother…” Brandon sighed turning his attention to the grave marker once again.  
  
“She knew that you always were standing up for her, that you would always be the one taking care of those you loved Brandon. She saw you doing the same thing that Abe did in walking away from the life you were always meant for. She realized that I pushed you away just like she did with Abe. She said at the time when she forced Abe out of her life, she was trying to be strong, but when it came down to it she was terrified. She was living in a world of self-preservation because she wasn’t sure what would happen once she opened up herself to a love that she was convinced she never deserved. Abe was good to her and loved her, yet she ran from it,” Samantha’s voice softened a bit as she approached Brandon, “Just like I did when you gave your heart to me willingly.”  
  
“Why are you telling me this now? Why here?” Brandon questioned tightly, wishing that he could ignore the effect she had on him, but it was no use. She was in his system--in his blood and he was a fool to have tried to forget it.  
  
“Because I promised your mother that I would stop hiding from my heart. When I started seeing her she reminded me all over again about the one time in my life when I was the happiest and I saw that it was with you,” Sami confessed in an impassioned tone. “When you risked your freedom and your life to help me get custody of Will back in Italy, I saw just how deep your emotions ran for me. When you pushed your own happiness aside for mine, I didn’t understand it then, but I do now. I’m a different person now Brandon. I’m not that same spoiled brat who only sees the world with blinders on. I’m the woman I should’ve been when we were together before. I’m the woman that might not be perfect, but when it gets down to it, I’m the woman that never stopped loving you. Your mother reminded me of that.”  
  
“You say that now, but I know that you’re married and…” Brandon whispered, thinking about the rumors that had circulated around his talks with his mother.  
  
“It’s nothing more than a lie, which is something I was getting good at during your absence, but now, well right now I don’t want to think about any of that. I came here tonight because I had to see you, because I wanted to be here for you,” she divulged bracing herself for his reaction. “Maybe I’m the last person you want to see tonight, but I just couldn’t let you go through this alone. I just couldn’t let you endure this on your own when I know how this has to be hurting you.”  
  
“Samantha I just don’t think that…” he began opening his mouth to say something more before stopping himself. He focused on the grave marker once again, feeling her standing a few inches away from him as there were so many things he’d wanted to say to her. He felt her take a step back in retreat. He could almost hear the disappointment that fell from her lips in a sigh at his resistance as she turned to leave, but before she could walk away, he reached over his shoulder gently tugging on her arm before she could leave.  
  
“Don’t go,” he pleaded with her, his brown eyes silently pleading with her, hoping to convey all of the things he couldn’t say just yet even if he tried. Their eyes connected once again, their thoughts silently swirling between them as she stepped forward and moved in beside him.  
  
“I’m not going anywhere,” she promised lacing her fingers in his as he found himself wondering if there was a chance that mistakes could ever truly turn themselves around. Faye Walker had believed in second chances and as Brandon stood beside her grave paying his final respects to a mother that he’d loved more than anything, he wondered if perhaps he would be able to stop hiding from his heart long enough to give himself the same opportunity to believe in them as well.


End file.
